Can Women Have It All?

“You CAN have it all!” It is a beautiful, enticing message for all the women who want to be great wives and mothers while also maintaining thriving careers. What this slogan really says is that they don’t have to sacrifice one desire for another. Some qualify this message by saying we can have it all, just not at the same time. My usual question then is “When?” What comes first? Is this even realistic?

Indra K. Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo, an obviously authoritative source, says “No” in her surprisingly frank statements at the Aspen Ideas Festival. She said women are “screwed” because a woman’s biological clock conflicts with her career clock. Nooyi, however, went beyond generalities. She shared stories of her own experience climbing the corporate ladder while also raising daughters; “ If you ask our daughters, I’m not sure that they will say I have been a good mom.” Throughout the talk, she recounted several instances of missing important parts of her daughters’ lives.

Ultimately, her advice was not to choose one or the other. She did not say she would do anything differently or offer some profound advice on how to make it all work. Instead, her advice was to find a way to cope with this recognition of not being a good at both career and motherhood. “You have to cope because you die with guilt.” Is this comforting? No. But is it enlightening? Yes.

Her answer, however, feels unsatisfying. Can we really say the best answer to this challenging dilemma is just to cope? Deal with the guilt? It just doesn’t seem good enough.